TypeCarl

Unconditioning the Past by Conditioning a Strong Identity

There is a crazy or not so crazy thing that happens to me when I return home. I will start reacting negatively against my family if they say something out of line and or annoying. Most of the time it is quite justified in today’s standard, but it isn’t ideal.

I need to learn how to be perfectly peaceful at all times even if people are attacking your character and intentions. It’s hard though. Oh so very hard.

Recently, I have become more and more calm in the way I handle things in life. For example, if someone dangerously cuts me off while driving, my emotional state isn’t affected at all. I just take as it is and realize there is nothing I could do. I could only make the situation worse by being angry.

However, going home and dealing with family just brings back so many years of experiences that it’s like a flood in my mind. I seem to return back to my self that would yell and act very rudely when threatened. The ideal thing to do would be to calmly and assertively say, “I don’t accept your behavior” and move on. In some situations, it is better to just look at the person and ignore the person all together without any reaction.

Some of the comments I get are extremely strong. My dad is the worst. You’d be surprised what comes out of his mouth sometimes. It’s hard not to say something. It’s kinda like when those professional athletes get into a fight after some initial words are exchanged.

It’s important to keep in mind that you can’t be weak. That usually will cause you to get picked on even more. You have to stand your ground firmly and be ready to back it up. Many young children get picked on by bullies because they don’t resist at all. The bullies will keep picking on them because they love the easy targets. The bullies usually don’t target people who are mentally strong despite being physically weak. It’s just too much of a hassle when there are easier prey to feed their insecurity.

The point is you have to stand your ground, but you don’t have to do it in a way that upsets you. You must not have your self dependent on external factors like how other people think of you. You must have a core confidence of who you are and what you are about. This means that when people put you down, you must naturally communicate that you are not reactive to their threats and you mean business. Ironically, they will actually respect you for it and treat you much better.

The worst thing you can do against a trouble maker is to react because that is exactly what they wanted. It means that the trouble maker has the ability to inflict emotional change on you. That is power.

To wrap this up, I need to condition my mind to react in a calm fashion. I need to clearly state to the offender that his or her actions are completely uncalled for without any emotional reaction. If their actions don’t affect me, but yet still bother me, I shouldn’t react at all. You should only be responsible for yourself unless you are personally asked for help.

Thanks for reading,

Carl Zetterlund

P.S. My Dad and Sister cause the most distress. My dad will accuse me of the most ridiculous things. He just jumps to conclusions on my intentions. He’s a very stressed out and negative person, which he won’t admit. My sister was here for a couple of weeks and most of her actions do not directly affect me. However, she is an incredibly lazy person and acts pretty dumb sometimes. Sometimes, I can just look at her and feel a sense of disgust. It’s bad, and I really need to cut it out.

P.S.S My Mom can get on my nerves too, but I won’t go into that. If she caught me sharing this, she’d probably kill me. Hey, I don’t care. I love my family and that’s all that really matters.